


Blackmail

by sakurachan811



Category: Metal Family (Cartoon)
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Anal Fingering, Angst, Blackmail, Canonical Child Abuse, Crossdressing, F/M, Femdom, Loss of Virginity, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Non-Consensual Groping, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Spanking, Public Hand Jobs, Rape, Sexual Coercion, Sibling Incest, Underage Sex, Vaginal Sex, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:14:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakurachan811/pseuds/sakurachan811
Summary: Lydia finds out about Sebastian's sneaking out early.Lydia demands payment (hint it's not money)
Relationships: Sebastian Shvagenbagen/Original Female Character, Sebastián Shvagenbagen/Lydia Shvagenbagen
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. The Deal

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a bad person
> 
> This is not part of the metal family ABO verse

It has been a long day. A long, long day. She can’t stand living in this household. Lydia was furious, mother had sent her to tend to her brother, again. His mind was strained...to put it gently. When Lydia walks in on her brother crawling into his bedroom through the open window, It’s the last thing she could’ve expected. How many times has this been happening?

He is such a selfish asshole.

“Lydia?” her brother says, his mouth drops open, he looks shellshocked.“I'm begging you, please don't tell f-”

He stutters, his voice cracking halfway through when she grabs him by the arm and yanks him away from the open window before shutting it herself. He allows her to drag him away, but he freezes when she turns on him."Are you stupid or do you just not care?" She's straining to keep her voice hushed. “What the hell is wrong with you? "

He says nothing, just stares with a blank at expression.“I can't believe you somehow have the time to do something so idiotic!” she seethes.

"Sebastian," Lydia says slow and disdainful.

“Can you explain why you’re having so much trouble understanding? Do you just not pay attention, or are you deaf?”

Still, he remains silent. After taking a brief glance up and down, she realizes why. Lydia's lip curls in disgust. He's shaking, he was almost crying, you'd think living with their father would have beaten that out of him ages ago. Pathetic.

"All right. You want me not to tell father? I’ll think about it.” Before he can respond Lydia begins to leave. Before closing the door fully she says over her shoulder as if in passing.

"Father wants to see you."  
With that she closes the door behind herself with a resounding click, her brother doesn’t make eye contact with her for the rest of the day. She simply pretends not to notice. Treats him like she typically did, all while a plan formed in her mind.

When Sebastian hears a crisp knock, he's drowning in his homework. He allows them in, he knows he doesn't have a choice. But when he sees Lydia walk in, his heart sinks down to his toes. He stops immediately, straightening his spine as he looks at her. Sebastian watches her with wide eyes. He swallows hard, bites his lip. Her loafers barely make a sound as she walks across the floor, he doesn't know if Lydia's agreed or what he has to do. He just knows deep in his marrow, whatever it is it won't end well.


	2. Lace and buckles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia has no long-term plan. No plan beyond making her brother feel completely humiliated, to teach him a lesson.
> 
> Chapter Non-con groping, semi public crossdressing  
> Feminization

At first he thinks she's playing some sort of sick joke on him, then he realizes that no, she was in fact dead serious. That's why one Saturday afternoon he finds himself standing in her bedroom. In a dress, it squeezes his waist, emphasizes the hourglass curve of his hips. it was pretty, some sort of ruffled, lacy thing any highbred lady would wear. She could have stopped there, but no, under the ruffled monstrosity he's wearing perfect, untainted white stockings. It had a bizarre effect on him. He doesn't look like Gustav's son, he could be anyone. The ruffles of the layered dress tremble, he knows it's because of his constant fidgeting. He smooths the skirt fabric over his thighs repeatedly.

He gets it, Sebastian had never looked very manly. He had always been pretty, pretty like a girl, full-lipped and soft-skinned, long blonde eyelashes and striking blue eyes  
“You’re a lady now Sebastian, act like one.”   
Sebastian frowns some more, pulls at his dress.   
“Show me, pick up your dress.”

Sebastian’s hands clench, then start to lift the layers of the dress, up and up until Lydia sees his underwear, and the bulge straining to escape. Sebastian’s aborted squeaks are the only thing Lydia can hear, that and the soft ruffling of fabric from his trembling hands. He’s struggling so much, stubborn little thing. A heavy wet sniff means he’s crying now, crying and shaking with effort.

"Beautiful," she says honestly.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He growls, pulling up the stockings. They're white, up to the middle of his thighs. He hates it, he hates the shiny black heels more. He wonders how he'll be able to walk with them. He hisses at the other blond, glaring at her resentfully. Sebastian is fumbling with the many layers of his skirt, trying to find the clasps of his garter belt. Damn Lydia, she knows about stockings and heels and walking with skirts without flashing her panties. May Lydia rot in hell, he should have just let Lydia tell father. But no, here he is.

"Good?" he asks grumpily, So many layers. He thinks he hates her almost more than he hates wearing a stupid, frilly dress that makes him look like a doll.

Behind him, Lydia shrugs, appearing uncaring. He's higher than he's used to. He goes to the table with little steps -- no way to move any faster with the heels -- and picks up the corset, eyeing it with distaste.Looking as if she couldn't care less. She takes the corset and signals for Sebastian to turn, which he does, with much grumbling. Sebastian is going to kill her. Painfully. He'll beat her to death with her own heels, or maybe strangle her with her garters. Son of a bitch, Lydia is radiating smug happiness and contentment with the world. Sebastian wants to bathe in her blood. 

"Just act befitting of your station." Sebastian doesn't want to think about the restrictions of their station right now. Lydia tugs on the bottom of his blouse(?). it's blue and lacy and covers his hands with even more frills, and shows off his collarbones. He looks smaller in the middle of all that lace. "Straighten up Sebastian," She says as she tugs the bottom of the shirt in place. Sebastian refrains from jumping; Lydia's knuckles are brushing against the small of his back. It tickles. It's the frills; they're scratchy.

"Take a deep breath,"

He does, the corset is set into place around his waist. She hums a little song as she pushes the laces through the eyelets. The pattern seems complicated; Sebastian tries to focus on the notes of the song, because otherwise he'll go back to thinking about why he's doing this.

"Now breathe out, and stop."

There is no way he can breathe right now. His waist is squeezed so tight. He feels trapped, powerless, his back is ramrod straight -- well, no, it's in fact a more arched than he'd make it usually -- and it's going to stay that way. Satisfied, Lydia, fluffs up his skirts before she steps back. Sebastian is too busy trying to relearn breathing to yelp when he feels the cloth brush against his panties. He glares at her in the mirror anyway.

Lydia shrugs. "Prettier like that,"

"You look like an actual girl," Lydia adds, staring.

Sebastian is going to kill her. She looks bewildered, as if she can't believe it. Sebastian turns around as fast as he can, ending up with his hand on the table to keep his balance and sneers. No way to growl; it requires too much air. Even moving too fast requires too much air right now. Wow, dizzy.

"Sebastian, you shouldn't turn around so fast. Well, if your panties weren't white, maybe they wouldn't be as easy to see." Sebastian splutters. His face and neck feel hot with anger. His legs from the middle of his thighs to his crotch, feel even colder by comparison. It makes him angrier. "When you turn fast like that, the skirt flies up," Lydia is staring at his thighs, more precisely the little space between the top of the stockings and the lacy edges of the underskirt. Sebastian tugs the skirt down. His stockings should be high enough to hide it all. Damn it.

"Stop glaring, time to apply the make-up," He cringes. "You never said anything about make-up." "Oh don't be a baby, It's just some eye shadow." Lydia cups his chin and tilts his face up, smirking. Sebastian hates her more than he's ever hated Gustav, she finds it funny.

"Close your eyes,"

Sebastian obeys, trying not to frown. Lydia's tone has shifted, it's softer. He feels embarrassed now. She angles his face properly, then starts applying something to his eyelids. It's hard to keep from blinking, or turning away. But the hand guiding him is firm and warm, keeping him in place with barely a whisper of skin against his cheek. He waits, and waits, until finally, the hand leaves his cheek. He opens his eyes, slowly. If he messed it up, Lydia would have to start again. No way in hell. 

"Sebastian?"

Lydia is now standing slightly behind him. She's staring, again. Sebastian is going to be blackmailed about this until he dies of old age. 

"Lipstick,"

"No."

"I'm not asking you, Sebastian," Lydia replies cheerfully, searching inside of her bag of products "Lipstick it is," Lydia checks the clock, and makes a little thoughtful hum. "I'll apply the lipstick. Next I'm going to brush your hair."

"That's not necessary," Sebastian protests, but he knows she won't listen. "Of course it is," she replies, still cheerfully. Sebastian wants to stuff that brush in her eye socket. "Now be a good girl," Sebastian can feel his cheeks flush hot in anger. He feels dizzy for a second; he'd forgotten he's not able to take deep breaths.

Lydia's hands close around his waist and move him over to the corner of the dresser. Sebastian's skirt drags behind him, and he hisses slightly; the varnished surface is cold and smooth against the back of his thighs, and his panties are riding up. He'll have to fix that later, though -- for now he has Lydia to glare into submission. The last time someone combed his hair was when he still had a real mother, he'd forgotten. Lydia is running her fingers through his hair, fingertips rubbing his scalp. Lydia is being careful; barely a tug here and there. It makes Sebastian feel weirdly nervous; though the hands in his hair don't let him tense up that much.

Despite himself, he relaxes. It feels nice. He opens his eyes -- when did he close them? -- to find Lydia leaning forward. She has a look of sadistic glee on her face. Lydia gives his thigh a tap, tssk-ing. Sebastian's skirt is riding up. He pulls it over the garters, wordlessly challenging Lydia to say a word. Lydia snorts, and reaches out to rub a thumb against Sebastian's lips. Sebastian refrains from biting with difficulty. She looks serious now, concentrated as she uncaps it. Sebastian thinks she looks ridiculous, but then he can't say anything; Lydia isn't the one in a dress right now.

The lipstick feels weird, Lydia applies it conscientiously, not looking away from Sebastian's lips for one second. "... Finished," Lydia steps back staring at him, looking faintly bewildered for a second -- and then she smirks, though it looks mostly like bravado.

He gives the mirror a glance, there's a girl glancing sideway at him, with a serious, almost shy expression. wisps of blonde hair frame her face. Her skin is golden and her eyes so wide, and yet, he can still recognize himself. Sebastian is as disturbed as Lydia seems to be, but he's not about to show it.

Absently, he tastes the lipstick with the tip of his tongue, careful not to mess it up.  
Lydia is watching. Sebastian does it again, eyelashes lowered to hide his calculating gaze.  
He smirks when Lydia looks away. He'll never let her live it down. Lydia's hand is warm on his nape, it circles his neck like a living collar. He shivers. Lydia fluffs his hair gently, arranging the locks here and there, satisfied. "Here. What do you think?"  
Sebastian thinks that he looks like a doll, and feels like a doll, and his hair isn't naturally this fluffy, He shrugs. Lydia steps away, after a last tug at his blouse's ends.

He doesn't have the time to protest the casual touch at the very edge of the corset, though; Lydia is leaning forward, ribbon in her hands. Sebastian realizes belatedly that his legs have fallen apart, slightly, just enough to let her get between them. Good thing, very good thing that the edge of the dresser keeps her from getting too close. The skirt is already bunched up way too high in his lap as it is. Expressionless, he tilts his head back, letting her circle his neck with the ribbon. The ends of his sleeves, large falls of lace that cover his hands. He doesn't bother pulling his skirts down, this time. They're too short to hide anything when he sits. Sebastian lets himself slide off the dresser, back straight. The varnished edge of the dresser pulls the mass of skirts up to his waist, rubs against the back of his thighs and his ass.

Silk panties. 

He ends up sandwiched between Lydia and the dresser. He stares down at her - ha, one thing heels are good for and arches an eyebrow. Sebastian straightens his clothes quickly.  
Sebastian goes to the door - little steps, he reminds himself, or else he'll fall --his back ramrod-straight, his expression as blank and empty as he can make it.  
He's going to do this, and then he's going to kill his father, and then he'll probably kill Lydia. Just a little.

Gracefully, he raises a hand to rest it on the banister, making his sleeve fall so that only his fingertips peek out, and starts to walk down the stairs with small, measured steps. He feels slim, and frail.

Today, he just has to look pretty.

Walking in heels is already annoying, even for one with a good sense of balance. Lydia is there, Her hand close around his wrist. There are good and bad sides to the things, he supposes. Sebastian snarls at her, and keeps walking down in the street. Fucking dress that whips his thighs with each step, fucking corset that opens in the back, fucking heels-Shit! The pavement rises up to meet his face. Lydia's hand closes on his wrist, yanking him up hard enough that he wonders how his arm is still in its socket. It's better than falling; he can't afford that right now. Lydia pulls him down the street, and Sebastian follows because he has no choice; she is not letting go and it's either walk with her or let himself be dragged on the pavement.

Lydia doesn't let go of his wrist. Sebastian would pull free, but by the looks passersby give them... Well. He follows demurely, head lowered, discretely forcing Lydia to slow down. He can't breathe anymore. Good thing no one's watching too closely. Sebastian steps closer, tugging his wrist free to hold her hand instead. Sebastian's hands are not hindered in any way and he squeezes, almost hard enough to make the bones grind.

"I'm tired," he whispers, pouting cutely -- he saw enough of other girls do it. He's all but panting like a dog in summer.

"...Sorry."

"Yes?" Sebastian asks softly, his eyes glaring daggers, while the rest of his face conveys nothing but shyness.  
With no warning, Lydia pulls him in an alley. He stumbles over a brick and falls on his ass. She's still holding Sebastian’s hand. Sebastian is dizzy and breathless and really, really hates heels. 

Pulling Sebastian after her, an arm around his waist. Sebastian can't move anyway, so he doesn't protest. He feels awkward and useless, off balance, chest constricted so much that he would need ages to get back on his feet on his own. He ends up between Lydia's knees, his cheek pressed against the her chest, gripping with both hands for support. Sebastian stays utterly unmoving and lets the darkness of the alley mask them, though he isn't sure why. His back is arched rather uncomfortably. He squirms a little, carefully - and then Lydia's hand closes on his nape, immobilizing him. He tenses, annoyed. 

"Don't move," Lydia whispers. Her hand is still on Sebastian's nape, keeping Sebastian's cheek against her chest. If Sebastian's back wasn't held straight by the corset, it would probably be breaking by now. As it is, his hips aren't happy with him. Grumbling, he tries to relax and catch his breath. The ground is rough and damp. A gust of wind whooshes past through the alley, and suddenly Sebastian’s ass feels a lot colder.  
He wants to reach behind him to pull the stupid skirt back down, but suddenly Lydia is holding his wrist too.From what he can see from the corner of his eye, Lydia is grimacing, almost desperate. "Don't. Move." Closing his eyes, he makes himself relax again. He can't do anything right now-

Lydia's thumb is rubbing against the base of his head, smoothing a lock of hair, then mussing it up again. She's petting him like a cat. It tickles. It feels warm and soothing and way too intimate.  
"Stop that," he mumbles, and tries to straighten up.

(Why?)

He searches for a way to misunderstand the flush high on Lydia's cheeks, he has trouble finding any other explanation than the painfully obvious.

"... Lydia." He hisses between clenched teeth.

(There’s no way she- that would be absolutely fucked)

Lydia's fingers stop petting for all of five seconds. Then they start again.

"Yes, well. Sorry. You do make a beautiful girl."

(Why?)

"I'm going to kill you."

"I know," Lydia replies in a whisper, "but you'll have to wait until then, you can't move."

Sebastian swallows a howl of frustration.

He snarls. He understands getting aroused without warning or much reason -- he's fifteen only -- but that doesn't mean he enjoys or plans on forgiving being pressed against and rubbed on by his sister. Outraged, Sebastian struggles. He almost manages to sit up, but then another guy walks past, and they both freeze.  
Great, now he's leaning on his side against Lydia's chest, his legs bent uncomfortably under him, one of Lydia's arms around his shoulders. He's slumped, with just Lydia as support. They're nose to nose. He glares. He can't do much more.

(Stop)

Lydia's frown melts away, replaced by embarrassment. Her cheeks are very flushed. Sebastian doesn't want to think about the reason why. "... Sorry.... Well. Sorry." The hand slides from his neck to his jaw, to his cheek. He doesn't make a sound, knowing that Lydia can read his lips. Sebastian doesn't know what stupid part of him has decided to blush, but there's no way to turn it off. He keeps glaring, and keeps silent, because there's nothing to say.

(Stop it)

Besides, Lydia's hold on his waist is a lot stronger than he would have believed possible, and it's far from the ideal moment to fight.  
"Stop that," he whispers against her lips. It's already hard to breathe with the stupid corset, if Lydia squeezes his waist like that on top of it...The other blond is too busy licking his lipstick off to reply. Sebastian has to bite her.

(Stop it!)

They eye each other, Sebastian with wariness, Lydia with surprise.  
Lydia reddens violently at the realization of what she did. Sebastian would glare more but he's too busy squawking about the sudden presence of a hand on his butt. Lydia is too busy chasing down the last remnants of lipstick to care.

"Mmph,"

Lydia pinches his ass, her other hand tightening on his nape. They both freeze as a group enters the mouth of the alley.  
They barely dare to breathe.  
They keep unmoving for ten minutes -- a small eternity, only exchanging glares and then Lydia smirks. And Sebastian tenses further.  
She's feeling the shape of Sebastian’s buttocks through the layers of the skirt. She doesn't squeeze, or press too hard, but she's definitely feeling him up. Sebastian bares his teeth, promising revenge. Lydia rubs her hands up and down, ruffling the skirts up. Her fingertips brush against Sebastian's skin. Sebastian bites her jaw in retaliation. One of Lydia's hands abandons his ass. It lands on his knee instead.

(STOP)

"Beautiful," she breathes in his ear. Her hand runs up Sebastian's thigh, which twitches with the urge to kick. The man kicks a rock lazily and leans against the other wall, watching the passersby in the main street. Sebastian freezes. Lydia doesn't. Her fingers caress Sebastian's thigh through the thin material, pause when they reach the edge. They caress the top of his stockings, where the skin is finally bared. They find the garter belt's clasp.

(Oh god)

Sebastian feels weird. Powerless. But it feels good. Lydia's hands follow the garter up. up. barely brushing the skin, his skirt dragged up -- they find the strap of his panties, over his hip. His panties have been distended by the erection he was trying to ignore. Sebastian shivers. Lydia's hands are warm. he didn't expect her to have such a soft touch. He squirms, squeezing his legs together to protect his groin. Lydia's's hand follows the panty strap to the back, where it gropes at his ass happily. Soon enough, Sebastian's skirt is around his waist and Lydia is caressing the silk underwear with both hands, palms cupping Sebastian’s buttocks, fingers skimming the bare skin of the inside of his thighs.

(Oh god, oh god)

Sebastian notices that his forehead is pressed against Lydia's shoulder, he doesn't quite remember when that happened. When Lydia hauls him up, hands still cupping his ass, Sebastian follows. He can't make noise after. There's no way to fight. He ends up sitting on Lydia's thigh, his legs stretched out before him.She nuzzles his neck eagerly, nibbling here and there. Sebastian tilts his head back, to get away of course. It only offers more skin to explore.

The man leaves. Sebastian relaxes, breathing deeply. "You-" Sebastian scowls, blushing, and tries to turn his face away; Lydia's lips are searching for his, and he shouldn't allow that. "What were you saying-" It should make Sebastian angry to be considered cuter than a real girl, but the only thing he feels is a twist in his stomach. His panties are starting to feel tight.

(He hates himself for reacting to this)

Lydia snickers. Sebastian elbows her. If she starts to laugh, he'll kill her.Sebastian is about to comment when they hear the guy come back. Not alone.  
He's with another man. 

Sebastian picks up a pebble and throws it at the other end of the street, and during the second they're looking away, Lydia hauls him up, and wedges them both in the doorway. Unsteady on his heels, Sebastian is only staying on his feet thanks to Lydia's arms around his waist. He really feels like a girl; powerless, to be protected. It angers him, but at the same time, it's... well. Instead of staying put, Lydia is pressing her hips against Sebastian’s ass. Sebastian watches, feeling Lydia's hot breath on his nape, in his hair. He doesn't try to pull out of his tight hold; he'll do that later. He waits, heart pounding, for the men to leave.

They decide to smoke a cigarette.

Lydia decides to stick her hand up his skirt.

Sebastian closes his eyes briefly, but he just can't stop staring with morbid curiosity at the way the smoke and chat lazily. 

The men chat. Sebastian pants quietly. Lydia is biting his neck. He can't close his eyes, can't stop watching them warily. Finally, they finish their cigarettes and leave. Lydia slips a finger under the edge of his panties, and then her hand slides against his skin, rubbing against him aggressively, making the cloth tug on his erection. He tries to pull out of Lydia's hold. Her free hand lands on his mouth, pulling his head back on Lydia's shoulder, baring his neck.

"Nhh..."

Her hand bumps against his balls, then drags back to start squeezing and rubbing against the base of his erection again. Sebastian arches, caught by surprise. Lydia kisses his neck.

"So beautiful..."

Then her arms tighten around him, and Lydia is panting, Sebastian has to lean against the wall. There's warm wetness oozing from the tip. He can feel warm liquid drip down, puddle at his balls and run down his his inner thighs, sticking cloth to his skin. He feels like crying. Son of a bitch. Lydia removes her hands from his underwear but she doesn't let go. She's still against his back hands resting on his hips, her hands slide lower, cupping Sebastian's groin through the skirt.  
(How the hell is he still hard?) He closes his eyes, finally, rests his forehead against the wall as Lydia rubs him through layer upon layer of silk and lace.  
He comes again with barely a grunt, biting his lip. Then he leaves the alley without looking behind. Lydia follows, she doesn't say anything. Lydia takes his hand, Sebastian's eyes tell her that this never happened.


	3. A Little death

Sebastian begs stop, stop, stop breathless, along with the rhythm of her bobbing head. But the unconscious thrusts of his hips that drive him deep into her mouth and down her throat tell her something else, he's thick and hot under her ministrations. She pulls off. From his every plea, by the contradiction of his actions: with the way his hands bury and tangle her hair, how his thighs widen and accommodate her.

She grips the sides of his hips, continues to suck and swallow, as the pads of her hands press at the base of his spine, that makes him jerk, and she anchors him with a hard squeeze of his buttocks. Stay still. Her fierce hold commands him in silence, as his loud moans turns into gasps. Her nose touches the bones of his hips, following the trail of blonde strands, till she flicks her tongue. He pants as she felt him twitch against the roof of her mouth, sliding along the ridges. His eyes are bright, burning, as he fights for control.

“Stop.” He reiterates, as his palms had slid from her nape to the ends of her shoulders, pushing weakly, trying to put distance between them, he leans forward.

“Lydia, stop this.”

She doesn't, if anything it spurs her on, she sucks harder, faster, swirls her tounge, almost chokes. He comes in her mouth and she swallows every drop, feels him twitch. When she pulls off there's a wet noise that makes her positively ache. Slowly, he unfurled his slumped form over his seat. He carefully tucked himself, zipping it closed as he stared at the far side of his room. His mouth is in a thin line.

“Stop.”

Sebastian said this probably for the nth time tonight, but this is the first time Lydia cares enough to listen. Sebastian straightened himself, carefully builds his mask of that calm politeness. She had seen him wore that often when around strangers and colleagues alike.She stands and takes one step back, then she turns on her heel and walks out.


	4. Consume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She waits for him to be alone that night with her heart beating hard in her chest. Still, she hesitates, there was no going back after what sin she plans to commit.
> 
> See end notes for warnings

She waits for him to be alone that night with her heart beating hard in her chest.  
The house is silent as she stands before his door, the ticking of the clock matching the beating of her heart. This is wrong, she thinks, but that doesn't stop her. it never stopped her with her brother and it won't stop her in the future.  
Still, she hesitates, there was no going back after what sin she plans to commit.  
But no matter, he's where she wants him, anyway.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------‐--  
He cringes internally when he feels her place a hand on his knee.(it's under the table so noone can see, but still-) at the dining table he fumbles with his fork, causing it to clatter loudly against his plate. (That dinner was over two hours ago, he'd spilled some water, his injured hand shaking, father had reared up and struck him. He fears his father will kill him one of these days. 

(He hopes he will.) 

Why was she doing this?  
It's sick he knows-but he could eventually forgive kissing, the touches, the photos she'd taken when he was still wearing that ridiculous (pretty?) dress of hers. Maybe even explain away the spanking, they both had been punished that way often. His ass had been raw enough that he had to bite down a wince every time he sat down for days after. 

But this...this was truly-  
If he closes his eyes he doesn't have to see that it's her, he could pretend she's anyone, anyone at all. He's a teenage boy he won't last long. Problem is, he's learning females have a short refractory period.(or maybe that was just Lydia) Poor Lydia. He remembers her trying so desperately to get their parents approval. She just wants to be accepted (loved?) acknowledged. People change, but some things remain the same. 

Besides these past weeks she's been oddly nice to him, she lies for him, all the time even when she doesn't have to. The other day he'd walked in his room to find a roll of bandages and a bottle of pills that with further inspection, is asprin. This had become a regular occurrence, finding a note and an item mostly medicine: bandages, painkillers, antibacterial cream with an extra note that read: 'For when father strikes deeply.'  
He waits anxiously for her to collect her debt. She doesn't, instead more notes, this time it's advice for his schoolwork, they were in similar education tracks, he hides them all in his box under the floorboard. In the weeks that follow, he receives more notes, a handwritten map with more advice, suggestions and information on local cafes and shops, a copy of her schedule and a few hairpins.(for lock-picking doesn't have to be written.) 

He sitting at his desk when he hears the sound of his doors lock being picked, he stands. Lydia stalks toward him, looms in his face, he shifts back uncomfortably. He knows what she's here for, a gasp gets caught in his chest when she presses on his shoulders (down) he sits on his bed. 

“Pull down your pants,” Lydia demands, backing up for a moment while he unbuttons his trousers. “Let me see." She stares for a long moment, drinking in his flushed face, watches how his dick twitches, the damp spot on his boxers.  
"That as well." His jaw cleches but he obeys, he peels off his boxers. No hesitation when he obeys. Figures.  
It surprises her everytime she sees Sebastian’s pretty cock flushed and pink against his tan skin and gold curls.  
She sees him swallow hard as a bead of liquid oozes from the head of his cock. 

Lydia sits in his lap, her brother is trembling, his cock twitching. The family prodigy brought down so many pegs by her alone.  
“Do you want me to fuck you?” She purrs, grinding her hips. Feels the heat of his body through the damp material of her underwear, how he throbs at her words. She slides of his lap with a rustling of fabric. Rolls her underwear down and off. 

"Lydia?"  
  
There is no protest that Sebastian can serve her that would make her stop. Should he make her actions public he'll ruin the reputation of their family.  
(and that is unforgivable.)

She settles back in his lap, Lydia lets the head of his cock run between her folds. He’s trying so hard not to move. She starts undoing the buttons on his shirt, there done. 

“P-Please,” he practically whispers. 

“You need to ask nicer than that.” 

Her hands rub across his nipples as she bucks harder, teases him harder. God, he’s shaking like a leaf.

“Please, Lydia, this is wrong-”  
“I know you want this,” she chastises. “I just need to hear you say it.” 

“Please-” 

“Come on Sebastian, ask your sister to sit on your dick.” Lydia wishes she could record this. Hold it over his head later. Maybe next time, she laments. 

“......S-sit on my cock, Lydia please…” 

He’s at her with those pleading eyes again. Desperate eyes. Lydia hates(loves) him so fucking much.  
Her cunt is dripping watching him plead. She soaks up the sight as long as possible. Sebastian doesn't start to fight, she has him trained by this point. His hips twitch hard when she rubs her pussy against it. He's so desperate, the power is intoxicating. Lydia slides the head of his cock between the slick valley of her inner lips, easing down over the girth of him. God, he's thick and she's wanting and it burns all the way. 

"Don't move." She rocks up and down with her hands on his chest, hissing as something rips, the stretch aches and she splits herself open on him. Shock (horror) has him pinned, as she writhes. His gaze is glassy, disbelieving. He has a full body shudder when she takes him until he's all the way in, she's bleeding. (she deserves to hurt, her brother's been hurting for longer) Doesn't he deserve to feel good? (doesn't she?) So she takes what she needs from him, nails digging into his shoulders as she lifts and drops herself on his cock, still so hard inside her even as he struggles beneath her. She moves faster. 

She's already moving and Sebastian had his hands on her waist to urge her to slow down.(to stop her) he has his eyes closed and the name he's silently mouthing (begging) is hers, he squirms. She takes care of herself as he settles, panting, his eyes are glazed over when they finally open.  
"Lydia, please I'm going come." He sounds panicked, god she wants him to, she wants that connection, wants something permanent. She clenches down hard, her walls fluttering as she fucks herself on her own brother. She comes hard. 

He whimpers, she isn't stopping, why isn't she stopping?  
He knew when she first sunk her hips down that he wouldn't last very long. Inside his sister was so very tight and wet, she felt like a velvet fist.  
"Let me pull out-" He chokes when she makes an aggressive roll of her hips. He's certain his sister knows how children are made, he can feel his balls tighten and draw up.

(He can't stop it, can't stop her.)

It feels so good, oh god why does it have to feel good?  
He comes so hard his vision dims at the edges, feels his cock pulse over and over, feels his cum seep out around his cock. He lays there panting, feeling numb and disconnected. Lydia climbs off him, her legs tremble, he watches a mixture of his seed and blood roll down her legs. She pulls her underwear back on. She's staring at him with an expression he can't pick apart. She helps him get fully undressed and into bed, he says nothing. When the light clicks off and he's finally alone. He doesn't sleep, something in his brain that's been straing for years now finally breaks. He weeps, taking great wet gulps of air, tears stream down his face and he lets them, cries so hard he thinks he might throw up. That's all he does for hours, just cries and cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Underage Sex  
> Rape  
> Loss of Virginity  
> Vaginal Sex


	5. Impact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound of flesh hitting flesh finally ripped a groan from his mouth, stubborn boy.

Sebastian is a good son most of the time, Lydia knows he has good intentions, at least. He shows his gratitude by returning favors. He doesn’t always thank her but it’s not on purpose. He's stretched thin juggling school and father’s grueling lessons. Sebastian is a good boy, but his temper makes him a handful. He’s constantly disobeying father, antagonizing him over the most asinine of things. She walks into the house after a long stressful day of classes, she notices her younger brother sitting at the dining room table. Textbooks across every inch the surface. 

“I’m telling you, if you slept more at night this wouldn't happen," She says mindful of possible listening ears. 

“And whose fault is that?” Sebastian snaps back. Scrubs his face with one hand, sighs deeply.

“It wouldn't be difficult if you actually tried,” Lydia says, sarcastically slow.

"It doesn't matter," Sebastian says, just as sarcastically slow. 

“You know better than to talk to me like that,” Lydia seethes.

Another sigh. Of course. 

"Do you have any idea the sacrifices I make for you? The least you can do is take your education seriously.” she says taking a seat on top of the table. Any other time she wouldn’t dare, but this is a special occasion. Her brother needs to be taught a lesson. Lydia crosses her legs, the tops of her garters poking out beneath her skirt, a brief flash of her panties squeezed between her thighs. 

Lydia crosses her arms under her breasts. Lydia sees how he stares at her. It makes him more willing to do what she says. So easily manipulated. “You have been so misbehaved lately,” she chides. He didn’t dare utter a word. Sebastian sits in silence, hands curled into fists against his thighs. Judging by the look on his face he has some idea as to what's coming. This punishment was much older, from their early childhoods. Uncrossing her legs, Lydia taps her knee.  
“Sebastian, come here.” 

He stands up, walks over. When Sebastian bends over her lap, she’s not surprised to find his hardness resting against the side of her leg. He puts his hand to his mouth. For someone who gets hit so often, Sebastian always had difficulty keeping in his sounds of pain when being punished. Lydia appreciates him muffling his voice. She pulls down his pants and boxers, he goes perfectly still at once. A loud slap fills the room as her hand makes contact with his ass; Sebastian presses his thighs together and rocks forward from the impact.  
Another harsh slap lands on his firm ass. The whimper that comes from his lips is perverse. 

“Don’t think I don’t feel that Sebastian,” she scolds, tracing circles with her fingertips against his darkened skin. Sebastian rolls his hips, rutting against her leg when she delivers a series of hard smacks. His cries are becoming progressively lewder. When she slaps his ass again, she feels his cock throb hard against her leg. Grinding his hips, panting. Whines that sound more longing than ashamed 

“This is a punishment.” Smack. Smack. “Now tell me what you did wrong.” 

“I… I didn’t do my h-homework ” he says through gritted teeth, squirming. “Why are you slacking in your studies, Sebastian?” she asks him before delivering another harsh smack. Sebastian mewls as he tries to swallow down his cry. “I-I’m sorry,” he stutters. His voice breaks when he is spanked again, a louder smack this time. 

“I asked you a question.” Lydia’s voice is almost soft despite the harsh blow she delivers after the statement. His skin is flushed a deep scarlet. The rolling of his hips lose rhythm. “It’s not my fault!” he whines. The nerve. Still giving her an attitude during a punishment? 

Words are lost, replaced by a groan as Lydia spanks him five more times, each harder than the one before. Sweat is beading on her brow and at the back of her neck. This turns her on much more than she’d ever let him know.  
“Lydia, I can-”  
“Shut up.”  
“Lydia, please,” he’s already bargaining. “I was doing my homework, I sw-” 

She smacks him with all her strength and her brother howls, his eyes shutting tight, teeth gritted in a wince. It’s almost endearing seeing his face turn a deeper shade of red, blushing like a schoolgirl while his sister spanks him like a disobedient child. “Don’t blame anyone but yourself for your mistakes Sebastian." 

Smack. Smack. Smack. Tears finally roll down his cheeks when her splayed hand slaps his ass. 

“I’m sorry!” he cries pitifully, teary face as red as his ass. “I’ll work harder, I promise!”  
One final, brutal smack to his ass leaves him blubbering. Sebastian stands up cock straining so obviously against the fabric of his trousers and limps back to his seat, wincing as he sits. He sniffles while wiping his face with the back of his fist. He looks up at her, picking up his pen. 

She snorts, curling her lip. This is supposed to be a punishment. And leaving her darling brother aching and unfulfilled is a cruel, unusual punishment in itself. He deserves no less after that blatant display of disrespect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-Consensual Spanking


	6. Attacca

He's jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of his name.  
“What about you Sebastian, you ever had sex?” 

Blinking hard, Sebastian gathered his notes to buy time to respond. Ches is very sociable, and because of that he has (colleagues? acquaintances? Friends?) for that, he is thankful; no one else seems to want to interact with him during the long school days otherwise. Normally he looks forward to these interactions, they allow him to feel almost normal. 

(Except for when they choose to have normal teenage boy sorts of conversations.) 

There’s a pounding in his chest as his heart hammers against his ribcage. Cold sweat is already beading the back of his neck. “No,” He says, feeling blood rush to his cheeks.  
“Ever seen breasts?” He wiggles his eyebrows. He may be teasing him but even his ears are turning red. Sebastian doubts he's done more than kiss a girl. 

“No,” he answers with more conviction. 

He's saved from having to answer (lie about) anymore questions by Ches. (Thank you Ches.)  
“Leave the guy alone.” Ches says, smacking the other guy on the shoulder, Sebastian forces a chuckle, his shoulders hunching slightly.

“You’ve kissed someone though, right?” He cocks a sly smile and elbows him in the ribs, trying to draw an answer out.  
(Dammit Ches) 

“I guess, but…” He feels the words drag out of him. 

God, no. Why is this happening? He’s handled worse conversations in the past. What is it  
about today that’s making things so difficult? 

(Think, think!) 

“I’m just… embarrassed.” he says, It’s not entirely a lie. “Listen, there’s nothing wrong with picky." Ches says with a grin.  
"You'll find the right one eventually eh?" 

“Fuck you! You’re seriously one to talk!” Peter says laughingly. 

He's sure they probably laugh behind his back when they talk about how weird he is. Sebastian Shvagenbagen, never kissed a girl nor seen tits. Stuffy Sebastian sitting silently between classes. (Who's had sex on a regular basis for a month now) No wonder girls pay him no mind; he might as well be invisible. Nobody in their right mind would ever want to touch him. (He's filthy and rotten inside)  
He forces a smile and says something along the lines of a goodbye. 

He throws up his lunch in the bathroom, unable to hold back the swelling nausea. ‘well at least he won't gain weight from all the non approved foods.' he mused. Most of the money he's earned with Ches is in his outside hiding places. He'd been spending some of it on local cafes. He couldn't help himself, there were just so many different foods to choose from. 

The nausea doesn’t subside all day, it only gets worse. 

Sex leaves the room overheated, especially since she told him to keep his clothes on this time. She fucks him with harsh movents. There’s frustration backing her as she slams down him. Another bad day no doubt. But he can take it, he’ll endure anything to keep his secret safe. Her thighs quiver and tighten around his waist as she cums, her nails digging into his shoulders. He pays it no mind. His hands move to cup her ass, lifting her hips and holding them still as he reaches his own climax. His cum fills her, drips from her pink folds.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
(In the minutes before he sleeps he wonders how the hell Lydia isn't pregnant yet) 

The next day while he walks there's a limp he fights to hide, each step ignites the pain over and over and over. 

Sebastian was fucked until he went numb, his mind drifting and blank. He lay there for at least an hour afterwards, only until his sweat had dried did he attempt to stand.  
He loved every second of it, he's not queer (There’s a guy in his music theory lecture with brown hair and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen-) but Lydia's pianist fingers hit a spot deep inside of him that ripped a suprised moan from his throat. So she does it again and again, It made his vision spotty and knees weak. He came with a suprised grunt, his cum splattered against the desk. 

It’s constantly on his mind when he sits in class, thumbnails digging into the soft flesh around one another. His choice rocked the very foundations of his life. What should he have done? What Could he have done? The only thing he could think of was to agree. 

It used to bother him when she pretended he was a girl. It happens so often now that he doesn’t bat an eye. He just grabs onto the edges of his desk, grips so tight that the healing skin on his fingertips breaks open again and bleeds.   
\----------------------------------‐--------------------------------------- 

His friend barely touches his food, barely answers his questions. Exhausted blue eyes stare off into space. 

Glam frowns while he shifts slightly. The silence is starting to cause tension to hang low in the air. The gears in Glam's mind are turning; Just what is he thinking about?  
"Everything ok in there?" He asks  
“Hm? Oh, yeah” replies, eyes hazy. “I’m okay, just really tired.” That settles it, then. Ches decides not to pry. He does however tell him that they're not doing a show for the next night or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief instance internalized biphobia  
> Anal Fingering


	7. Major keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a girl he likes, her name is Juliette.They sit in some of the same classes, he asked to copy her notes a few times. He doesn't know what instrument she plays. She writes only in black or blue ink. Her handwriting was neat and very loopy- palmers script. She has doodles in all her margins.
> 
> She was soft-spoken, well educated, of good breeding.
> 
> Juliette is lovely, soft and plump in a way that he hasn't ever seen before. Her hair is long, thick and dark always in a lengthy braid. Her eyes are an even darker brown, rich and deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Momoka on Twitter for the name of the lovely oc and for giving me lots of good advice and ideas for later chapters.

He lied when his colleagues (Friends?) Asked him if their was a girl he had his eyes on, given that he was supposedly so 'picky'. 

There is a girl he likes, her name is Juliette she hangs around with their friend circle. They sit in some of the same classes, he asked to copy her notes a few times. He doesn't know what instrument she plays. She writes only in black or blue ink. Her handwriting was neat and very loopy- palmers script, she has doodles in all her margins. 

His father wouldn't approve of her, sure she was soft-spoken, well educated, of good breeding. But, she was too fat for his father’s standards; According to his father all ladies worthy of their name must be slim and fineboned. 

Sebastian’s looked at their families records and he knows father was lying. Great aunt Vivian was large woman, both in height and figure. She was one of their family's greatest Sopranos. Even in the painting, her eyes smiled with mischievous good humor. 

But oh, Juliette is lovely, soft and plump in a way that he hasn't ever seen before. Her hair is long, thick and dark, always in a braid. Her eyes are an even darker brown rich, deep. She smiles sweetly at Sebastian each time he sees her, as though she's interested in him. She starts poking him lightly everytime he starts to nod off in lecture hall. Whenever the lectures run overtime she sneaks him almond tartlets. They compare notes in the sparse minutes between lectures. 

He's mentioned Juliette to Ches. Sweet as she is, alarm bells are ringing. She finds Sebastian after class again and begins asking questions. They're small, harmless, and Sebastian wants to wince at the slight pause as he offers his answers. Juliette only smiles at him, that same small, lovely smile.(Shit, she has dimples, dimples!) Then she does something no one's ever done before: she asks him on a date. He can only stare, wide eyed, frozen. Ches answers for him, smacking him on the shoulder. 

He stutters, promising to meet her at seven sharp. He watches her go, then glares at Ches who gives a shiteating grin. Sebastian isn't sure he's interested in the date or not- he's never been on one before in his life. 

It isn't the worst night of his life. Juliette's touched him more than anyone else outside of Lydia; she's called him cute, she's been kind and patient with him, even after the embarrassing attempts at conversation. All the while she's smiled at him, bright and warm, turning his stomach into anxious knots. He's starting to think that maybe, just maybe, that his life isn't all bad. 

They're walking in a local park, he's slowed down to fully enjoy the crisp September evening air. That and so he could talk to Juliette. They walk the length of the pathways before he walks her to her door, turns slightly to her feeling unsure. He doesn't really know what to do other than bid her goodnight. 

And so a new routine starts for him: Wake up, shower, breakfast. Then its: Conservatory, home for lunch (he can't keep it down- what's wrong with him-) back to the conservatory greet and smile at Juliette, Ches, and Peter. (Force down guilt) attend lectures. Go home, do mountains of homework. Sneak out: play music, get home past dawn, wash rinse repeat. (Lydia manages to lie and lie)

Only sometimes did Lydia visit him for sex. The last time- the last time he'd removed his shirt, she stared at his naked chest for a long time. Her face went through a series of expressions before settling on grim determination.  
He'd made a confused sound when she'd pressed him back into his bed and drew the covers around him. (He thinks he's hallucinating when he hears the sound of urgent pleading turned furious shouting, abruptly ended by the sound of someone getting slapped) 

He sleeps and sleeps and he doesn't dream. 

Study and or pass out in one of the many cafes he now frequents.

Sebastian(Glam) down to the barest of threads. He feels like he's losing all control, he can't stop, not for anything. He feels his guilt grow heavier every time he sees her woried brown eyes. 

Sebastian really wants to keep seeing (dating?) Juliette but he knows father would never allow it. He knows Lydia knows, she caught them kissing once, she hasn't told father though. This relationship will cost him, but everytime he sees her sweet smile it's worth it. 

He knows he's in deep shit the second his alarm goes off. His head doesn't feel attached to his body and he can't see straight, the walls of his room are pulsing. His hands keep shaking when doing up his buttons. 

He blinks, he's at the dining table. He blinks, he's at the conservatory- he doesn't remember how he got there or any of the lecture. He blinks and he's home- the violin is in his hands- when did he begin playing? He blinks and then-  
-he  
\---falls.  
He's ripped back into consciousness by the agonizing pain and his father's screaming in his face. He's being held up by his wrist and oh- that's alot of blood on his wrist and shirt.  
He feels dizzy suddenly- sick, he vomits stomach acid and bile burning up his throat.  
He thanks a higher power in the back of mind that he had not been allowed breakfast before leaving the house as he retches again.His father lets him fall with disgust, his knees stab with pain. His palms scraped hard on the floor as he retches violently. He bites the edge of his lip. His hands start to shake. He's going to be punished severely for this, the last time he'd been sick during practice he was ten years old. He'd gotten the flu, he remembers standing there-being made to play for hours. He'd had a fever but the punishment for not playing was- w a s, it was.

(He's so tired, so very tired.)

\-----------------------------------‐--------------------------------------------------

He takes a moment to study her from the corner of his eye. She looks even prettier with her hair pulled high in some kind of braided bun. 

He struggles to swallow, his mouth suddenly dry. He wants to tell her; he wants to try and explain how much he cares.  
(Coward) 

Such a good, lovely girl like Juliette deserves better than him. Sebastian grimaces slightly at the cobblestones under his feet. The longing inside of his chest makes him feel small and stupid. 

At the end of the the date Juliette had kissed him on the apple of his cheek and he flinched away. She turns red stutters an apology. He doesn't know what to say to explain or make this right, if he even should.

"Did you honestly believe that you can keep this up?" Lydia, of course. 

Sebastian turns around. Lydia is standing behind him, arms crossed, a mean sneer on her face. Anger explodes within him, sudden, burning and dangerous. 

"What are you doing here?" He growls. 

The distance between them does nothing to blur the sharpness of Lydia's eyes. Sebastian looks away with a scowl. (He doesn't want to have anything from home here. This was his escape-) 

Her eyes widen a bit, but she quickly narrows them. "I didn't trust you not to do something stupid," Lydia answers. She lifts her chin.  
"I thought you might try something, but all you did was humiliate yourself."  
The disdain dripping over her words cuts deep at at something old inside him.  
Something bitter and ugly coils in his gut. 

Sebastian growls again, a pained noise. His fingers curl around nothing. "It was a date!" He shouts. His voice bounces against the walls of the buildings surrounding them.  
"She asked me on a date, she wanted to spend time with me! Why is that so difficult to believe? I would never have done anything to hurt her!"  
Shame crawls through him. What had he been thinking? Nothing good in his life ever lasted. The anger leaves him in a sudden rush, deflates him. A heavy ache settles across his chest. 

"Is it really so hard to believe that I wanted something nice, to be normal?" 

His voice is so quiet, raw and but he doesn't care. Shoulders hunched, Sebastian turns away. He almost misses the guilt in Lydia's eyes - misses the way it melds into shame. Sebastian sinks onto a small bench, he's cold. He scrubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand, tries to rub away the tears there. He wishes he had never went out, wishes he had never agreed to Lydia's terms, wishes he had never been born- no he can't think like that, he won't be able to stop. 

Lydia in a rare show of empathy moves to sit next to him.(what the actual fuck) He stares ahead at the lights that are on two buildings over. Sebastian waits two, maybe three seconds. There's a muscle pulsing in his cheek; he can feel it. They sit in semi-uncomfortable silence for several minutes. Then Lydia sighs and says,

"Well, it's for the best, she would have never been fit to be a Shvagenbagen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Child Abuse  
> Fat shaming


	8. Trophy children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's so tired of Lydia doing this, it's about fucking time she gets a taste of her own medicine.

He's boiling inside, burning with rage. He feels his blood pressure rapidly rising. He's standing (when did that happen?) 

"Shut up, Lydia." Sebastian hisses through his teeth. "Just shut the fuck up." Lydia had followed him to his date, watched him the whole time. Did she like seeing him skrew up the one good thing he had? Did she really hate him that much?  
Petty, she's so petty.

He grabs her by the arm, she's too suprised to protest. He quickly drags her into an ally. He's so angry, intimidation is the only language he knows fluently. It comes so easily, so naturally. Shaped by the violent hand he was raised with, Sebastian’s gaze is cold, his hands firm. 

(Glam hates himself.) 

Sebastian reaches out and shoves her. It's the first time in his life he's ever raised a hand towards his sister. He crowds her, uses his superior height and weight to keep her there. She stares at him in disbelief. It's almost gratifying, how much she didn't expect this. How much she didn't expect this from him.

He kisses her hard enough to bruise, doesn't let her break for air until she's clawing at his shoulders for it.  
Sebastian takes his hand, presses it to the skin of her leg. Slides it up her skirt. Firm enough for her to really feel. He cups her through her underwear. Sebastian presses his fingertips to her panties, two fingers, firm. Lydia whimpers, he swipes his fingers up, rubs them against her, slips beneath the fabric. He pulls it aside finds that she's wet. He feels his face twist into a smirk, "Freak," He mutters lowly.  
He says that, but his dick's getting hard anyway. 

Wipes his hand on her skirt, kisses her to keep her quiet while he undoes his belt and unzips his pants. Stops kissing her only so he can hear the noise she makes when he thrusts balls deep. As Sebastian pushes in, forces her body to stretch and stretch and stretch. It hurts, like it hasn't hurt in a long time. Sebastian gives her no time at all to adjust to the girth of his cock. Instead he just pounds into her.  
"Don't you dare fucking come," Sebastian says.  
"This isn't about you" he grunts.  
He holds her hips with bruising force. 

(Lydia shudders with the thrill of the shame of it. She feels desperate, like a nothing. This is what she wanted right? His attention, to remind him that he could never be with anyone father didn't choose) 

"keep quiet, it may be late but there are still people around Lydia." His hips only still when he comes inside her, balls deep. After he comes, Sebastian cups her chin in his hand and calls her a pretty little whore. 

Her knees give in when Sebastian pulls out. Lydia collapses onto the ground, catches her breath.  
\-----‐--------------------------------------------------------------------

He pulls up his pants redoes his fly.  
He looks her over, fixes her skirt while she's slumped over panting. She's not responding to anything. He pulls her to her feet,  
(Glam could puke.)  
He tries to shock a response from her, a firm smack on the ass should do It. Nothing. She stares ahead unblinking.

"I'm done. Let's go home." He grabs her by the hand

"Come on, Lydia." He whispers.  
  
Sebastian's eyes are dry, his expression is dry, his heart feels dry. Shriveled. Numb.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi public sex  
> Rape


	9. Abiit nemine salutato; se ne andò senza salutare nessuno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She hears of Sebastian Shvagenbagen before she actually meets him; He's a heritage musician, he placed second in the entrance exams, so almost everyone knows about him. He always sits to the right of the guy who placed first, Har something. He looks exhausted all the time, he's very quiet.

She hears of Sebastian Shvagenbagen before she actually meets him; He's a heritage musician, he placed second in the entrance exams, so almost everyone knows about him. He always sits to the right of the guy who placed first, Har something. He looks exhausted all the time, he's very quiet. One Tuesday during their shared music theory lecture he seems more tired than usual, at risk of sleeping in class. So very, very carefully she shifts her arm, just enough to lightly jab him with her pen. He sits back at attention, glaces to see who did it. He sees that it was her, shoots her a brief grateful look. She does this at least three more times before the lecture's over. She starts doing this in all their shared classes, and each time she receives the same grateful look. 

After their music history lecture ends, the guy Har something, leaves slightly earlier than normal clapping him on the shoulder in passing. Sebastian says goodbye, sounding distracted. He's looking through his notes, not finding whatever he needs. She feels for him, they share enough classes. Maybe she could help him find whatever it is he's looking for?  
She stands, lifting her heavy schoolbag.  
"Hey, Sebastian right?" 

His head snaps up, oh that might have been a bad idea. He turns around to face her, leaning slightly on the back of his chair. This close up she can really see the bright blue of his eyes.  
"Yes?"  
"If you lost your notes you can borrow mine." She says.  
"Thank you," he trails off while she grabs her notes from today's lecture.  
"My name is Juliette," She says while handing the papers over.  
"Thank you, Juliette." 

He gives her notes back on Wednesday, when she's getting out of a music composition class. When he hands them to her his left hand shakes slightly.(This she will worry about later, far too late.)  
When she playfully asks him how he found her. He tells her that he asked 'Ches' who asked his friends. Then he asks her what she thought about last Tuesday's lecture and they end up talking for a good five minutes. It had ended when he glanced at the clock and said that he had to go, maybe they could continue the conversation another time?  
Later that week inbetween lectures they do. It becomes a staple in her week, inbetween lectures and before or after their shared classes. She meets Peter and Ches; who flrts with her, badly. Peter gives her a nod and a grunt of acknowledgement before going back to his book, she already kind of knows him from class. 

This the longest lecture of her life. Their professor drones on and on, she's developed a system of poking Sebastian every thirty minutes. Nothing new on that front but, she hears something, a low gurgling noise.  
Sebastian shifts uncomfortably in his seat, then about about ten minutes later she hears it again. She sees his hand tightening, clenching his pen. 

'Oh' She thinks, 'He's hungry' when the lecture ends, he gets up to leave and she rushes to catch up to him before his next class. 

"Sebastian!" She calls out to him, thankful she didn't lose him in the full hallway.  
"Here," She says handing him a almond tart wrapped in parchment paper. She knows her mother would not approve of her letting someone go hungry, besides there's always more at home.  
"This should tide you over," she says brightly.  
His hands twist together anxiously but he accepts. 

He walks a slight limp today, it worries her but she doesn't want to pry (This is regret number two) She pours over notes with him in every spare minute she has. He seems to be having issues keeping up with all of their classes. The bags under his eyes deep and dark and bruised. She knows he isn't sleeping, it's affecting his work. (She wants to ask him if he's ok, if he's sick.)  
She starts bringing him him a coffee along with hers. (This is regret number three, not pursuing this, asking him what's wrong) 

He can't seem to stay awake during any of their study sessions. He'd looked almost like a baby bird, all thin bones and down. When they finish up with their notes and flashcards, he stands, hands splayed on the table for a second. He waits for her, opens the door everytime. She had kissed him, just a firm quick peck, she can feel the scratch of blonde stubble against her lips. She thinks that she messed up, big time. He froze, his eyebrows rose to his hairline, he turns pink to the tips of his ears. His hand cups her cheek before fully falling away, in that moment she can feel every callous he has. But he kisses her back, and oh. His lips are very soft. After the fifth study date, she watches him collect his books and has the startling realization that he's lost weight, it shows in the sharpness of his cheekbones, the vertebrae in his neck. She brings food to their dates; rich stews, eggy breads. Anything with lots of nutrition and calories, A small platter of antipasti. (She spent too long watching him lap the oil off the palm of his hand) 

\------------------------------------------------‐-------------------------

It's a lovely night, colder than the last few. Sebastian's hand keeps grazing hers as he walks. She grabs his hand, weaving their fingers together, his eyes crinkle with joy as he lifts up their joined hands, kisses her knuckles. The date's going well, Sebastian’s quieter than he usually is. It's when she leans up and kisses his cheek, he pulls away. Sebastian doesn't show up on Monday. He doesn't show up to class on Tuesday or Wednesday. It gives her a bad feeling, she's not a superstitious person but- It leaves her her cold inside, she picks at her food, disinterested, feeling lost. Her mother frowns at the waste, but she can't be bothered with that now. Breakfasts of omelet, hot cereals or yogurt and fresh fruit are replaced with bread with jam and coffee, it's all she can stomach. (What did I do wrong Sebastian?) Sebastian doesn't show up to classes all week. She asks around but noone knows what happened to him, that only leaves Ches, Ches his best friend.

Juliette waits for their shared classes to end, gives a very polite "Hey Ches, can I borrow you for a moment?"  
She doesn't wait to hear his answer. She drags him into the hallway, this needed to be handled delicately, she inhales.  
"I know you're close to Sebastian, he never misses class. I'll give you some of my mother's best strawberry shortbread if you tell me what happened."  
(Good one. Foot meet mouth.)

"He dropped out of conservatory." Ches says sounding uncomfortable, he avoids looking directly at her. 

"What?" She can't believe what she's hearing. He was having trouble keeping up, something was clearly bothering him, but she didn't think he would just leave, not after one semester st least. (Her greatest regret is not ever asking him what's wrong, god why didn't she just ask him?) 

"Do you know if, if he's ok?" she croaks. (not Whydidheleave? isitmyfault?) 

"He's safe," Ches says, that says it all really. 

Exactly two weeks later her mother brings a boquet of flowers; canterbury bells, white clover, dandelion, and purple hyacinth. 

How odd. How very specific, a message? 

Gratitude/ I promise/Overcoming hardship/Sorrow, Please forgive me 

It's slightly out of order but she gets the meaning: I'm grateful, I promise. I'm overcoming hardships right now. Please forgive me. 

I'm sorry. 

The writing in the small card hidden away is smudged by her tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pov outsider  
> Original Female Character  
> Implied/Referenced child abuse
> 
> Abiit nemine salutato - He went away without bidding anyone farewell 
> 
> se ne andò senza salutare nessuno is the saying in Italian


	10. Homecoming

She shifts nervously from foot to foot, she had gone to the correct address right?

She checks the card again, taking a deep breath, she knocks. The person who opens the door isn't Sebastian, it's his sister; Lydia. She's got her hair down, she's wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, stripped of all her makeup, making her look- young and smaller somehow. (She looks so much more like Sebastian that for a brief hysterical moment she wants to kiss her, to see if her lips are as soft and sweet as his.) 

Lydia's eyebrows quirk up, but she opens the door wider to let her in. Stepping into her classmates house(?) feels odd. It's clear to her that his family was struggling financially; the wallpaper was peeled, the floorboards were in disrepair, and the couch looks like it was older than she was. Everything smelled faintly of cleaning supplies overlaying something sour; old booze. She notes the several bulging garbage bags, very recent cleaning then. 

She feels extremely out of place in her pressed clothes and nice black sweater. She didn't bring anything. It was only polite, but she wasn't sure what she should bring. Now she desperately wishes she brought something, if only to give her hands something to do. She opens her mouth to speak but Lydia cuts her off before she can.  
Lydia stares at her, she turns away before muttering "I know who you're here for, follow me." 

She's not sure what she'd been expecting, Lydia disliked everyone, Lydia hated her. She thinks that it might have something to do with Lydia catching her making out with her younger brother. ( She thinks there might be a story there.) 

Juliette busies her mind watching how her hair spills over her shoulders in a tumble of blonde curls, how they bounce with her every step. Lydia stops infront of a worn postered door looking like she bit into something sour. She cringes when Lydia knocks on the door so hard Juliette thinks she's split her knuckles. The sound of music coming from the bedroom stops. "Juliette is here to see you." 

The door slams open so quickly that the sound the hinges makes makes her think that if it wasn't, it's broken now. She doesn't really see him before he's wrapping his arms around her tight, breathless hug. She wraps her arms up around him. 

"I missed you." He says into her hair, swaying them back and forth, he doesn't relent in his hug, and neither does she.

"I missed you too," she says, and she can hear the way his breathing goes funny and hitching. His body slumps and his head falls to rest against one of her shoulders. She strokes his hair, the blonde strands feel like silk between her fingers.  
(Through the blur of her tears she sees Lydia turn away. She can’t read her expression, even if she could, she doesn't know if she wants to.)

She goes to Ches' home after her long days at the conservatory, she makes some attempts to keep Sebastian and Lydia up to date with schoolwork. Sebastian picks up books and drops them just as fast. Ches with much persuasion, stays in conservatory. "Ok, ok, god Juliette, I get motherhenned enough by Glam, I can't take it from you too. Not more than one semester, deal?"  
"Deal."  
Lydia doesn't seem to care either way, around three weeks in Juliette learns the rules they made for not killing eachother: 

Ches, is under no circumstances allowed to make anything more than tea. "I still have a cough because of you!"  
"Ha! you're more delicate than Glam is."  
"Don't compare me to him!" 

Ches is also banned from buying groceries "Ches, I'm not living on pizza" and "No, Lydia we ate there last week, if you want it, you buy it." 

Lydia is banned from poker night. (Don't ask) 

The bathroom schedule is highly contested. The shower schedule even more than that, "Ches it's my fucking turn, get out of the bathroom!" Some time later "Who took my conditioner! I'm looking at you Glam." 

Don't touch Lydia's nail kit, ever. "I followed you to this dump. I'm not an animal, honestly Seb-Glam. Do you expect me to live without basic hygiene?"

They make very odd roommates, some days they were a small band of misfits, those were some of the best days. They had bad days too, days where Ches and his mom's shouting echoed off the walls. Days when Lydia's words were more bitter and harsh, her anger bubbling up and infecting everyone. Days where Glam wouldn't bathe or eat, wouldn't move, just a sad lump under the covers. Long sleepless nights broken by nightmares and tears.

Some days are just O.K, Sebastian’s sprawled on the couch reading a textbook. His eyelids look bruised- a bad night. Lydia and Ches are playing cards, Lydia's flagrantly cheating, again. There's a box of half finished pizza between them "Mushrooms are disgusting Ches."  
"As you say princess-"  
"Not another word street rat." 

Glam has since abandoned the textbook and is now tuning his guitar. She watches the way his face blanks out- that's something they should talk about, there's a lot of things they should talk about, but not today.


End file.
